A Conversation with my Mama

season 2, episode 23

November 25, 2021

Illustration by Emily Carpenter

Let's just say, my Mum wasn't thrilled when I told her I was starting a podcast about abortion. I think she wishes that I would spend this time and energy working towards preventing unwanted pregnancies and avoiding abortions. But the podcast has given us the opportunity to talk about our disagreements, to listen to each other, and to open up about our own experiences around pregnancy and loss. These conversations haven't been easy, but I like to think that they've helped us get closer, and learn to accept our differences and still support and love each other.

On this episode, I have a conversation with my Mum and we talk about all of this. She explains her points of view around abortion, and talks about which parts of my views make her uncomfortable. We talk about our relationship, especially around our roles as mother and daughter, and how to adjust our expectations of each other, and be able to respect that we are both adults with our own opinions and experiences. In the end, she opens up about her own experiences of pregnancy and miscarriage.

I wasn’t sure that I would publish this conversation. At times it’s awkward and uncomfortable, you can tell we’re nervous and at times defensive. But I decided to publish it precisely because of that, because it’s raw and honest. As we grow up, we learn that some of our core values and beliefs don’t align so neatly with those of our loved ones. There are things we know we’ll never agree with, some things we know we shouldn’t even discuss in order to avoid conflict. But I think that sometimes, it’s useful to have these conversations, to listen, to learn more about where they are coming from, and to be able to accept each other’s differences.

Trigger warning: while in general my mother believes that abortions are necessary and need to be legal and available, there are still certain areas where she draws the line. Some of the things she says may be considered stigmatising, specifically around people having more than one abortion, and people who, according to my mum, view abortions as a "nonchalant" thing.